Today.

Is another one of those days where I woke up with that super lonely feeling again. Maybe it was caused from my dream last night. My dreams usually reflect how my day is going to be. I dont think Ive had a good dream the past few days. Last night I actually slept through the whole night though. The other night I kept waking up because I kept having dreams about some of the stupid fears I have other things that I worry about too much. Like I had a dream the other night about me being a college student helping out with the high school band but I was suppose to ride the bus with the band but I was just about to get on when I realized I had forgotten my shoes and socks and had to run all the way back home and get them. I didnt have my car so one of my friends parents offered me a ride. They drove really slow to the house and the buses had already left so I told them I was just going to drive up there. So I drove all the way to Dallas where they were having the contest and then I got there and I realized I had no idea what music I was playing or what parts I was playing, if I was even playing anything. So we all went in there to perform and I just stood there waiting to be told what to do and it never happened and I woke up right after they told the band they made a 3 because it was my fault. Ugh. It took me forever to fall back asleep and when I did I fell straight back into another awful dream about my grandma. I dreamed that she died and came back as a ghost to live in her house and tell me how to clean again and that she let her dog free to roam around the house and pee everywhere once again. That caused me to wake up once again. Once I finally got around to falling back to sleep, I started to dream about the guy I really like that Im waiting for and how he decided that he stopped liking me and talking to me because he started to like someone else. It caused me to wake up once again and then I ended up falling asleep a few minutes and later and started dreaming about how I tried going back to Commerce to go band camp for colorgaurd and after the first day, they decided I wasnt good at all so they decided to kick me off and told me to go back to percussion. So then I was put back on the front ensemble and no one I knew from the year before was there and they were all rude and I was stuck on the worse thing possible because I sucked. I ended up waking up with fake stomach cramps this time and this time I couldnt fall back asleep. The next night, I dont remember any of the dreams I had but I kept dreaming about dreary events, I remember that. I just remember the emotion of how I felt not actual clear images. Then last night I remember that I was dreaming about a mexican cafe that was at the end of my road and me and a few friends went to go hang out down there. It was mostly Terrell people that I never hung out with but it was like they were my best friends and no one else that had been my close friends was there. I remember this one guy kept breaking things and messing up things, like her tried to unhinge the table and then he kept throwing things at the waiters. Then he kept trying to hold my hand. That bothered me. Then it changed scenes to where we were all walking outside and then the road had been dug up and we couldnt walk back to my house. So then we ended up at someone elses house. I think it was this old ladys house and we did something there, cant remember what. Then it changed to where we were in someones backyard and all of the sudden I was apparently going out with this one chick that I havent talked to in over a year. But I wasnt lesbian. Then everyone dissapeared and I was alone. Everything turned grey. Turns out I never had any real friends in my dreams. Everyone just kind of left me there because no one really cared. I have not really liked my dreams the past few days. They make me feel depressed and they wont let me sleep at night!