Gotta keep ya updated.

So far, life isn't going to bad. It has ups and downs...and sometimes lefts and rights. Nothing ever stays in the center. I want it to but things just never happen like that. My classes are extremely stressful sometimes. Ill get to a point where Im just like, 'Im going to fail, this is impossible' to working my way slowly over the steep hill, but I end up making it. Im hoping in the end I end up making it. Its my long lost goal. I like to be successful at most of the things I do, even if I dont like it or if Im not any good at it. I want to say I worked my butt off to achieve it. I want to say that about this semester. I just cannot fail. Any of my classes. The class I spend the most time with is theory. It stresses me out to great lengths. Anybody in that class can say that. I know everyone has to take it but still. What also bothers me is when I complain about something thats extremely hard. Well, personally, I wouldn't say it was complaining. Maybe trying to get the word out there that I need help and then someone says "Stop complaining, all music majors have to go through it." That phrase really bothers me because not everyone has the same learning ability. I learn on a much slower pace than a lot of people. I cant help it but Im learning. This is one of the reasons Im afraid of speaking up also is because I will get accused of complaining, annoying, boring, or I will end up making someone angry. I find it better just to keep my mouth shut. I really like talking to people though and Im glad I have a couple of friends I can always go talk to if I need to tell them something which makes me feel good. Then there are the rest of the people out there who just don't really care to hear me out. I feel sometimes that I always go by without being heard by people. A few posts ago I talked about being invisible to the world. I still feel that way sometimes. Its like no one cares to know the deeper part of me. The deeper part that I want to be heard. Its all psychological. Everyone needs a person that they can trust with their innermost deepest thoughts. At this exact moment that person would probably be Nancy. I honestly dont know who else it would be. I just feel like I need that friend who will never criticize or judge no matter how big the circumstance and she definitely falls in that category. There are some other people that come close though. A lot of people just decide to stop talking to me. Once high school ended, it felt like all of my best friends dropped off of the earth. I have barely talked to any of them. I do try to keep in contact with some of them but its really hard so I don't really try. I do have my own life now and Im trying to live it. Most people I wont see until reunion or something or on Facebook. Yeah, well Im going to stop blogging for now and try to get some sleep. Long day of homework and studying in the morning. Night