Blah Blah Blah

I dont really know what to write tonight. I kind of just want to say that I feel a little lonely and heart broken at the moment. Im sure all of that will pass by morning. I just miss him and he's far away right now and Im sure he really doesnt miss me. He has barely talked to me in about 4 weeks. I feel empty inside, like a part of me is missing. I really wish I could have got to see him one last time before he left but I guess I wasnt meant to for now. Its just a shock to me that such a great person wants to be a part of my life and then suddenly they don't. I can understand the leave of absence but what I cant understand is why all conversations cease for now? It really hurts inside. I really need to find something to keep me occupied until August. This summer is starting to become a real drag.

I know

I shouldnt let small things get to me. And I usually dont but when I actually put forth effort to do something, I would like the tiniest bit of appreciation. But Im the only one that gets excluded. Whatever. Im over it. There are way better people in the world. Im going to go watch Glee now.

Urge.

I have had this sudden urge all day to just travel somewhere. I really dont care where anymore, just somewhere far enough from home...It doesnt matter if its just Dallas. I want to explore something new, something different. Its eating me inside. I want to explore something dangerous, or something serene. Something fast paced, something calm. A new neighborhood, a crowded city. A new adventure.

Does

anyone know a good piece I can sing for a solo at my church??

Accomplished!

I have mowed two yards today!! I weedeated and cut bushes. On top of that I earned money and became more resistant to heat :] The best part about the day was practicing my colorguard stuff! I had an epiphany earlier today about how to toss the flag and suddenly it just came to me. I feel so much better now that I can do that :]

Two new goals to add to my goal list-

1)practice colorguard at least an hour a day (if Im not busy)

2)go running every morning at 6 am (walk to the track, jog/run a mile, walk back)

Starting monday, I will make this work...New beginnings are about to happen :] i will make the rest of this year great!

Yep.

Today was very accomplishing! I mowed two yards...earned 30 dollars at one place and supposedly 40 at my houe. still convincing my mom! Im very exhausted at the moment though. I need something to write about for my blog...someone give me an idea, please?

Grr.

I hate that when you are having a good day and then certain things always have to go mess it up for you. Small things, such as going outside to enjoy the weather before it starts getting ridiculously hot, and I ended up getting bit 3 times within two minutes by mosquitos. I would have to load myself down with bug spray before I can even step foot into the outdoors...What fun is that, really? Then my friend texts me asking me to hang out. The only problem is, she lives 30 minutes away and I have had to use a lot of gas lately to drive out to her house and stuff. So I check my bank account and Im down almost 4, 000 from last summer. 1,000 from three months ago when I last checked. I really really need that job or I wont be able to do anything when I go back to school, if i even get to go back now. Lets pray that I get financial aid of some sort when I get these papers sent in. Im sorry the whole money situation kind of put me into a depression. I really really need that job now!

Wonder

Wonder if you lost someone you cared about dearly and never got the chance to say goodbye? Or in fact, you spent your whole life not appreciating all they did for you, never showing that you loved or cared about them? Will it eat you alive inside wanting to say just one more thing to them? Wanting to know just a few bits more of information? Well wonder if you got that moment to do that? Would you? What would you say?

Well then...

Time to write about my day today.

It started out pretty good. I reluctantly rolled out of bed at 11am just in time to watch my favorite show, Jeopardy. It is pretty much the only show on TV I am always willing to watch. After that I quickly got ready and went to go meet up with a few friends, a couple I haven't seen in over five months, to go eat at Los Hernandos. We did some major catching up with each other. It turned out to be quite an eventful afternoon. Soon after me and my friend Logan headed up to TVCC to sort out our schedule difficulties. When we finished with that I drove to Dallas to spend a couple of hours with my grandma at Baylor Hospital. It was a pretty fun visit. We did some catching up and I worked on some of my forms and stuff. Then I had to make the dreaded drive back. I ended up taking a detour to the other side of Dallas and back. I made it back just in time for church choir practice where I was told I would be leading hymns for 4 sundays. Its a big step for me into the music world (or at least thats what I think, a privilege, more like it) Then I found out me and my cousin are going to do a duet on Sunday. Excited, yet nervous. Ive never really sung harmony before. I feel like I sing sharp in my lower register. Well I guess I will just see how this goes on Sunday. Pray for me that it will go well, please.

Why?

Why is it that when I hear from you

my heart beats a million miles a minute?

Why is it that speaking to me

made me feel like I could fly out of this world?

Why is it that all of the sudden

my day brightens when you speak to me?

Why is it that I cant ever

get you out of my mind

no matter how hard I try?

Why is it?

You tell me.

Somebody's Prayin'

I have this song stuck in my head at the moment. It is just one of those songs that no matter how hard you try to get out of your head but it just doesn't work. Its just a song that speaks so strongly to me. I remember when I was singing it in choir it would get to one spot in the song and it makes me feel like Im crying out to the heavens. I feel like I see a light shining upon me reminding me that everything will be okay. I feel that empowerment so bad and I want it to become a part of me. I don't think any other song has ever got to me as much as that one has. It just speaks to me. Thats all.

Feelin it.

I just want to keep writing until my hands fall off. Its seems like at the moment, there is nothing else to do. I just want to speak my mind through typing and get it all out there. Well, Im not really looking forward to the rest of the summer anymore. In fact, I just straight up wish I was already back at Commerce with all of my friends and everything. I would probably even be happy if I had a job right now because quite frankly I really want to be productive and earn money. I dont know why it has to be so hard to get a job in this world. Everyone should work no matter how bad this economy is because people need to get off their lazy butts and do something with their lives. Then no one will be bored. Haha. Yeah. I get to go job hunting tomorrow. Day Three. Yay. Hopefully the few jobs Im looking at might work out....lets hope. I really need to get my mind off of everything in general. Need to get out of limbo and make something with the time I got now. I feel like Im getting deliberately ignored by people but its probably just all in my head. I hope I dont annoy people too bad. Sometimes I wish i could get some people to talk to me. Im always scared Im going to get in over my head with everything I get involved in. Especially coming up in the next week or two, when I have to start taking classes and especially when I get a job. If I have get one...I just have to get one! Hopefully I can handle it! Well Im just hoping to get through these next 3 months alive....

I need.

I need to keep this blog updated. I have had it for almost two years already but I almost forgot it existed til only about two months ago and I promised myself I would eventually get back to it one day.

Well I guess I will use this blog to use for my summer adventures and whatnot. My other blog is going to be for my poetry and story writing because Im guessing people would rather read that rather than what I have to talk about.

From the time I left Commerce, I thought this summer was going to be long, drawn out, and dreadful. I even spent the last few nights at Commerce almost going into depression because of just everything going downhill. I didnt want to let anyone know how I was feeling because there was no point in spoiling people's moods with my own. One thing I hate doing is saying goodbye. I am the type of person to just break down on the spot but I hide it well. Not once did I cry as I was getting ready to depart from all of my new friends that I had made this past year. Its a new record for me. I can say the time I started my elementary years until the time I graduated high school, I would always get extremely sad when it came to moving to the next level. This year, I didnt become sad until three days ago. Its been over a week since Ive been home. Ive been keeping myself really busy the past few days. I have been extremely active for the most part. The most lazy thing I have done was sit in bed and read for exactly 12 hours. I made sure I was going to finish the book, Tricks, in one day and I have got to say, it was one of the best books I have ever read. I would highly recommend it to someone looking for a really good book to read. Maybe its just that I am really into books about drug addictions or prostitution. I like to read and understand about it and the perception of how people feel when they are becoming addicted or overcoming addiction. I need to search through my other books to find something else to read while I still have time.