I wish.

I wish I could tell you how I feel because maybe you like what you will hear. Maybe you already know. Personally I am kind of scared to tell you. I don't know how you will react. Or maybe you already knew. I dont know how you feel about me but I wish I did. Or maybe I don't. You give me butterflies in my stomach every time I see you. I enjoy spending time with you because I think you are an awesome person. I want to get to know you better. I want to become closer friends. I want to know your thoughts and feelings and trust me enough to share them with me. I want you to be there for me when I need you. There are endless things we can talk about, I just want to know that its okay to share them. I'm scared. Im scared of pushing too hard or trying to hard or ruining something like I always do. Im tired of being the person to ruin something good. I want to be the right person. Or maybe I should just give up the thought completely which may cause me to lose all hope of my happiness. I wish I didn't hurt my close friend by liking you. Or I wish that I wasn't so broken or so empty and lonely. I wish I was good enough for you.

I wish you know and I knew.

Busy busy busy

I have not even thought about writing a new blog lately. I have been so busy! Right now I should really go to sleep but I want to blog about college a little bit. Well so far, its going pretty good. Im taking just about 10 classes and only 17 hours. My classes keep me extremely busy. I am really enjoying everything...well, I enjoy my music classes a lot. I hope taking this many hours that I end up passing all my classes. I fee like I could work just a little bit harder though. I need to get away from the lazy feelings that take over sometimes. Other than that, I really dont know what else to really say. My mind is a little dead at the moment and Im not very good at thinking.

hmm...

Im not sure if anyone actually reads my blog anymore or whatever but I just wanted to update it. So about the guy that I liked at the end of last semester. Well, I still really like him which is kinda odd to keep liking guys, for me. I dont think he likes me anymore. At the end of last semester he said he liked me and that we would pick things back up once we got back, ect. Well as I suspected, that never happened. In a way Im still pretty sad about it. In fact it kinda tells me that even the most honest guys wont stay true to their word. It even makes me think, its not worth bothering with anymore but I wish there was someone that understands all of this and can help me with this situation. I feel like I should move on but something is holding me back. Im not sure what though. Something is keeping me from not thinking about it a lot. I just want to talk to someone about it. Its bursting out of me. I mainly want to talk to him about it...Im not sure. I would have to talk to the right person to find out.